“… whoever wishes to be great among you shall be your servant; whoever wishes to be first among you shall be your slave. Just so, the Son of Man did not come to be served but to serve and to give his life as a ransom for many.” Mt 20: 17-28
Lately, I have found that I don’t struggle with having to serve others but rather having the humility to accept being served. I always thought serving others was the hard part, and being served was the easy one, but this does not always seem to be the case. Of course that serving others comes with sacrifice too, but it seems that, at least for me, accepting service and kindness from others is a lot harder. Whether it be from my family, friends, or even my church community, I get a weird feeling of guilt and unworthiness when someone goes out of their way to help me out, to be kind to me, or make sure I’m okay. I get a feeling that if people truly knew me, they would not want to serve me. Now that I reflect on it, I realize that my unwillingness to show kindness to myself prevents me from accepting it from others. But if God did not judge those he served, why should I judge myself? I can often be my own harshest critic. I judge and tell myself things I would not dare say to anyone else. But today I am reminded that my God is a merciful one, and I am worthy of all the love and kindness in the world simply because I am His. It is also a reminder that God can often manifest this unconditional love through the kindness of others, and by allowing myself to accept this kindness, I am allowing Him in.
“My God, allow me to not only serve but accept service with grace and humility. Allow me to see that I am worthy of love and kindness because I am Your child. And allow me to recognize that my worthiness is determined by You, not me.”
– Ana Lima